Gay and Transgender Issues in the Workplace

 

The question in the e-mail that arrived over the holiday weekend is not different than the one that has been asked for many, many years. The answer has changed, however, due to the long, hard work all of us have put into creating a world in which everyone feels valued.

“Hi Brian,

I am a lesbian with a partner. I had a previous partner of 5 years with whom I helped raise her biological son. At work, I often spoke about my ‘son,’ however, I was unsure how to field questions about him and our family, and most certainly unsure about the ‘weekend’ question. I never revealed that I was gay until I was leaving on disability, and I only did that because I knew I was never going back. Now that I am beginning a new job, I am in love with my new girlfriend of 2 years, and I really have no clue about how to approach these issues in a new workplace. I read your article on subtle discrimination, and I find that similar issues arise because I am considered a ‘single’ person with no children, and it is assumed that I can work later or take my vacation at a different time since I have no ‘family’ commitments, which I find unfair. Please, any advice that you would be willing to give is much appreciated. Happy New Year to you!”

Congratulations on your new job and on your relationship. Let’s both make a New Year’s resolution that in 2008 we’re not going to let anything or anyone at any time stop us from celebrating who we are in the world. It’s a challenge that faces all of us but one that we can overcome, especially if we do it together.

You didn’t tell me anything about your new job, so it’s hard for me to offer specific counsel about how to come out at work. There are so many variables. But you and I both know that you’ll be much happier and a much better worker if you are able to be yourself at work. It also will be a lot healthier for your relationship. If you hide your relationship at work, your partner will begin to feel that what you share together is embarrassing to you with others. Being in the closet is bad for our own health and the health of our family.

If your e-mail address is any indication of where you live, the State of Maryland prohibits discrimination based upon sexual orientation, so your company, whether or not it has its own non-discrimination policy, is bound by state law to protect you from a hostile or unwelcoming work environment. If it was me, I would first ask to meet with someone from Human Resources and tell him or her confidentially that I am gay and that I want to be able to be out at work. I’d ask them if they have any suggestions about doing so. I’d ask if my supervisor had any training on gay workplace issues and if he or she were clear about what is expected of them. I’d ask if there was an employee resource group (ERG) for gay people that I might contact.

In the office, I’d start slowly, not with an announcement on Monday morning of “Good morning everyone. I’m gay,” - but rather by putting a picture of my partner in my work area, and responding to questions about my weekend by saying “My partner and I plan to…” or “Ray and I saw a great film.” When asked to stay late or come in early, I’d say, “I’d be glad to. I’ll have to call Ray, because we have made plans with friends, but he’ll understand.” If I was asked to change my vacation plans, I’d say, “I’d be glad to, but Ray has already signed up for that week of vacation, and we’re taking a family holiday to Florida. The tickets are paid for. Can you please ask someone else?” Eventually, after watching his or her behavior to ensure that I was safe, I would ask to meet with my boss and share with him or her about my sexual orientation. If they asked how they could be most supportive, I’d suggest that they sponsor diversity training for the department on sexual orientation.

People take their cues from us. If we’re comfortable with ourselves, they eventually will be too. If they sense we’re hiding something, they’ll sooner or later figure out what it is and treat it as a shameful thing.

I’m in your corner. Don’t hesitate to come back and ask for support. But keep your eye on the horizon. You know the life you want and need to live. Don’t settle for anything less.

With best wishes for a New Year that is happy as a result of you singing your song with confidence and pride,

Brian

A few years ago, my response to this inquiry would have been filled with far more caution about the consequences of coming out. But times have changed, at least in most Western and in some Latin cultures. The plusses of coming out at work today almost always far outweigh the minuses in those environments.

My perspective is colored by the experiences I’ve had with U.S. companies and European financial institutions which have policies that prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation. In those settings, I have seen openly gay people excel professionally and personally. These individuals have the support of their Human Resource (HR) representatives, have access to gay employee groups, and benefit from the positive effects of diversity training. Coming out under these circumstances, especially in an office and among peers that are professionally respectful of individual differences increases the sense of belonging and enhances productivity by eliminating unnecessary emotional distractions. In those same settings, I have seen closeted gay men and women flounder in fear, expending inordinate amounts of energy worrying about what they say to their peers and clients when asked about their private lives. Dodging the question “Are you married?” can send a closeted gay person into a funk for the rest of the day.

Even in settings where coming out might seem ill-advised, such as on factory floors, in a police or fire department, or in socially conservative sections of a country, given the right support from HR and peers, coming out produces far more happiness on the job than will ever be achieved by staying in the closet. People who stay in the closet are almost always suspected of being gay. Because they keep their private life a secret, they are often not seen as a good team player and therefore not a candidate for further advancement. If they experience their homosexuality as a negative, so too will their colleagues. If they present it as a positive, their colleagues will follow their lead.

Clearly, there are reasonable exceptions. Some people, gay, bisexual, or heterosexual, for instance, are shy and very private inside and outside of work. Coming out would do nothing to improve the quality of their daily interactions with peers because they wouldn’t welcome increased social interaction.

Some gay people have extenuating circumstances that impact the freedom they feel in coming out. The company may not prohibit discrimination based upon sexual orientation. Their immediate supervisor may be blatantly homophobic. Their HR representative may be clueless. My advice to them is to change jobs if at all possible. There is no reason to suffer in the closet when there are so many companies worldwide that would welcome them as openly gay people. In most countries today, there is no acceptable price tag for enduring an emotionally-abusive environment.

(If you have a question or comment, please visit me at www.brian-mcnaught.com.)

A multi-national corporation has recently commissioned a study on creating a safe and productive corporate culture for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people. Aware that policies do not create a welcoming work environment, the company seeks to have an instrument to measure the comfort of the environment and a strategy for improving working conditions. It’s a noble endeavor but, in my opinion, not a great use of it resources.

I’m not a social scientist, but it seems to me that there is no reliable means of measuring whether a workplace environment feels safe and welcoming to its gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender employees except through anecdotal reporting. With other issues of diversity, it is easier to look at the Executive Committee of a company to see if women and racial minorities have found a place at the table. Gay people are already at the table and have been for years, but they’re invisible and, at that level, will probably remain so for many years to come.

If you poll the members of a company’s gay and transgender Employee Resource Group (ERG) to inquire about the environment, you’re only going to get the opinions of those who feel comfortable enough to join the ERG. How do we ask those who are too frightened to come out whether they feel safe at work? Promising anonymity in a company-wide employee survey won’t help much either, as every anonymous survey always undercounts the numbers of gay and transgender people, as most people don’t fully trust that any survey is truly anonymous. Furthermore, the manner in which questions are asked always eliminates accurate answers from people from one culture or another.

So does that mean that there is no data to offer to build our case for the need to work on improving the corporate climate for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people? No, heterosexual employees can tell you that the culture isn’t safe for gay and transgender people. I always ask my audiences to evaluate the environment and they consistently tell me that the workplace is only “somewhat welcoming.” They notice that gay people aren’t out and that the subject is never talked about. And they agree that the only reliable means to change the corporate culture so that gay people can come out and so that heterosexuals feel comfortable talking about sexual orientation and gender identity is to provide diversity training on the issues, starting at the top with the Executive Committee and working all through the company at every level or responsibility.

Such training, to be successful, needs to be hosted by the person with the most seniority and influence in the company, in the location, or in the department. Every employee needs to hear from him or her why this issue is an important business concern, what the company’s policy is on the matter, and what is expected of them as employees. He or she should then sit with the employees through the training, and, at the end, stand to affirm the content of the training and state what two or three important new things were learned. Within the week, every person attending the training should also receive a follow-up e-mail evaluation and reminder of the available resources in the company.

Secondly, to be successful in their efforts to have their training on gay and transgender issues improve the corporate culture, each company should monitor the progress of the endeavor through their Executive Committee, on which would sit not only the director of Human Resources and Diversity, but also an executive “angel” of the gay and transgender ERG.

There are abundant resources available to corporations globally that will help in their efforts to create a safe and productive work environment. Beyond the corps of gifted diversity trainers that are at hand, many of whom are listed at www.hrc.org, there are at least two national organizations in the U.S. that focus on gay and transgender workplace issues and which provide training and resources, the Human Rights Campaign (www.hrc.org) and Out and Equal, www.outandequal.org. The latter hosts a national conference that attracts over 2,000 gay and straight employees from across the globe. In the U.K., the organization is Stonewall at www.stonewall.org.uk. Any of these organizations can answer questions about what resources are available in other countries. You can also contact me at brian@brian-mcnaught.com.

Sometime in early 2008, I’m going to be adding an exciting new resource to those already available on these issues. “So, What If…?” Answers for Managers on Gay and Transgender Workplace Issues is an e-book program for corporate internal use that will provide user-friendly guidance to questions such as “What if an employee has religious objections to our efforts?” “What does harassment of gay and transgender people look like?” “What should I say if someone comes out to me?” “What if I’m working in a country that prohibits homosexuality?” “What if my boss is uncomfortable with the issue?” “What’s the proper terminology?” Currently, a small army of directors of diversity, members of corporate ERGs, and other trainers across the globe are reading the contents of the program and preparing their feedback.

I’m proud of the multi-national corporation that has expended resources in search of a tool that measures the workplace environment for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people and has asked for guidance on how to bridge the gap between corporate policies and corporate culture. They are not satisfied with simply passing policies with the hope that the everyday lives of their gay and transgender employees will improve. But I wonder if we really need another study. I think we all know how to make sure that the employee in the branch office feels as safe and valued as the employee in corporate headquarters. It just takes a major commitment to training to make it happen.

During the month of January, I’ll be working in the Pacific Rim conducting training on gay and transgender issues for the employees of a multi-national corporation headquartered in New York. In some places I’ll be working, homosexuality is illegal, so the diversity training has special significance. I’ll be posting periodic reports on my experiences working in these diverse cultures.

One of the most commonly asked questions I get in my work as a corporate trainer on gay and transgender issues is, “How do I help myself or others reconcile personal moral values with the company’s support of gay issues?”

Here’s how I respond:

There is an important difference between our beliefs and our behaviors.

You are free to believe whatever you want about homosexuality or any other issue, such as racial equality, the role of women, or the supremacy of a particular religious tenet, but you can’t impose those beliefs on your colleagues at work. Doing so violates corporate policy.

As an employee, you are paid to manifest the company’s values. The company values the diversity of its workforce and seeks to create an environment that is safe and productive for everyone. It has policies that support its gay and lesbian employees just as it does its heterosexual employees because it wants to attract and retain the best and brightest talent.

Some employees may feel that their religious beliefs are not being supported by the company’s policy that prohibits discrimination based upon sexual orientation. They may feel that providing domestic partner benefits is sanctioning same-sex relationships. They may feel that being asked to attend diversity classes on gay issues is forcing them to show support for something they find to be personally offensive or immoral. They may feel that the company providing money to gay employee organizations for educational or social events is showing unnecessary support for a “lifestyle” that has nothing to do with the company’s bottom line.

All of these feelings are understandable. Acting on those feelings at work is unacceptable.

Most employees have some feelings of disagreement, disappointment, or even disgust with some company policy or practice, as well as with some of their colleagues. Some employees, for instance, object to the donations made by the company to political parties. Some people feel that women should not give orders to men. Others object to sharing an office with a person of another race, culture, or faith. There are employees who oppose divorce and question providing health care benefits to remarried colleagues. Other employees are upset by the company’s disregard for their strict vegetarian beliefs and behaviors. And some employees find abhorrent conservative religious beliefs. That’s diversity, and the company manages its increasingly diverse workforce by minimizing behavioral conflict while maximizing the bottom line, which is profit.

So, feel the feelings, but choose the behavior. It’s okay to wish that a colleague wasn’t gay, just as it’s okay to wish that a colleague wasn’t Muslim, Jewish, or Christian. Other employees or executives could have negative feelings about you too. But the company insists that as long as you work for them, you will treat the gay employee, or the one who is Muslim, female, divorced, a meat eater or a conservative Christian or Jew with professional respect, courtesy, and as a full and equal member of the team. The company requires all of us to behave in such a way as to optimize the productivity of everyone on the team.

And, while we are free to believe whatever we choose to believe, we all need to be aware that our beliefs impact our “music,” or our day-to-day interactions with others. Our ability to effectively manage employees about whom we have negative feelings is fully dependent upon our cognizance of own beliefs, and our skill at overcoming our impulse to be disapproving, disinterested, or disengaged. While you may not approve of homosexuality, it’s essential that you do nothing at work to communicate those feelings in any way to anyone. Doing so undermines the company’s values and your value to the company.

I have heard horror stories of managers saying to others at work that homosexuality is a sin, publicly speculating with disdain whether an employee is gay, making decisions about promotions based upon a person’s sexual orientation or “lifestyle,” laughing at or repeating offensive gay jokes, and ridiculing the mannerisms or attire of someone suspected of being gay. All of these behaviors are a violation of the company’s code of conduct and should be immediately reported to the office of Human Resources.

But the more common negative everyday experiences of gay, lesbian, and bisexual employees involves the behavior of avoidance by their manager and colleagues, of being shut out of the social interactions of the company. Especially in companies that have policies and procedures that seek to attract and retain gay employees, the behaviors which make the employee feel less safe and valued are the ones that make them feel marginalized. Sometimes it’s the awareness that they are the only ones not asked on Monday morning how their weekend was spent. Sometimes it’s never being asked about the photograph of their partner in their work area. Generally, it’s the feeling that they are invisible.

Avoidance is not an effective business strategy. It is a negative behavior. Managers, even those with conflicting moral beliefs, need to positively engage, not sidestep those with whom they differ. Such efforts can make a big difference in ensuring the environment at work feels welcoming, and therefore more productive.

Practical Suggestions:

• Understand the difference between beliefs and behaviors.
• Be aware of your feelings and take an honest inventory of your behavior.
• Avoidance is a behavior.
• Always assume that there is a gay person, or a family member or friend of a gay person, in your presence.
• Treat everyone equally, personally and professionally.
• Use the words “gay,” “lesbian,” “bisexual,” and “transgender” respectfully.
• Do not laugh at or repeat anti-gay comments or jokes.
• Immediately correct inappropriate behaviors on the part of others.
• Sponsor diversity training on gay issues.
• Attend functions sponsored by the gay employee group.
• Use inclusive language at work, such as asking if people have partners rather than if they are married.
• Bring gay people into social conversations.
• Sit with a gay person in the cafeteria, or invite him or her to sit with you.
• Create an environment in which people can safely tell you that they are gay.

If you have comments about these thoughts or further questions on gay and transgender issues in the workplace, I look forward to hearing from you at brian@brian-mcnaught.com or visit my web site at www.brian-mcnaught.com.

The formidable task facing corporations globally is bridging the enormous gap between their policies and their business cultures. The formidable tasks facing gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender Employee Resource Groups (ERGs) are decerning what value they bring to the table, and creating safe space for their colleagues working in unwelcoming areas of the world.

When corporations say that they value diversity, they mean that they believe the person who is male or female, white, black, red, yellow or brown, straight, bisexual, or gay, transgender or not, brings unique gifts to the table because of his or her life experiences which have been impacted by their gender, race, sexual orientation, gender identity, religious beliefs, disability, etc. So, what unique gifts do gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people bring to the table? Beyond saying that they can help the company reach the gay and transgender buying public, or can act as educators on these issues in the workplace, what is special about the lessons learned from the life experiences of growing up gay or transgender?

When I ask an audience of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender employees what they can’t do at work because they’re gay or transgender, they have no difficulty listing the dozens of ways that heterosexual privilege negatively impacts them. “If we’re not out, we can’t put a picture of the person we care about on our desk, we can’t comfortably make personal phone calls, we can’t freely talk about gay news items, etc. If we are out, we get marginalized. People don’t ask us about our weekend plans. They’re afraid to engage us so they avoid us.”

“Good. So, now come up with a list of the special gifts you bring to the table because you’re gay or transgender,” I say.” Why should the company value you rather than accommodate you?”

The silence is deafening. We’re very good at telling how we’re victimized by heterosexism and homophobia, but not so good yet on articulating our strengths. That is a challenge that has to be addressed with the same focus and determination as was given to the struggle for legal protection and domestic partner benefits. In a world that is fueled by competition and survival of the fittest, everyone needs to focus on what unique skills they have that are essential to the success of the larger group and that are irreplaceable.

Secondly, the gay and transgender ERGs need to focus on the corporate culture outside the safety of company headquarters and large, liberal urban areas. In the minds of many human resource professionals, gay and transgender people have articulated a list of needs which the company has successfully met. They have a 100% rating from the Human Rights Campaign in the U.S. or from Stonewall in the U.K. because they have non-discrimination policies that include sexual orientation and gender identity, they provide domestic partner benefits, they support their gay and transgender ERGs, and they have shown public support on gay and transgender issues. In their minds, there are other issues of diversity now which demand their attention.

The leadership of the gay and transgender workplace movement has been willfully negligent about articulating the need for corporate-wide diversity training on gay and transgender issues, and making such training necessary for perfect scores of approval. Diversity training has always been an ugly stepsister to many national gay groups and to many gay and transgender ERGs, mentioned in passing but not with focus. We’re paying the price today for this negligence. Heterosexual colleagues have not been given the tools to walk the corporate talk. In some settings, such as in corporate headquarters, people know to walk the line because they’re being watched, but in other sites and in offices in other cultures, the policies are often disregarded by people who don’t understand or agree with them. This creates an unwelcoming climate for the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people working in those environments.

Twenty years ago, when I first changed the focus of my training from university to corporate settings, I always knew that it would be a lot easier to conduct training in New York City than it would in company branches in Dallas, Oklahoma City, Orlando, or Detroit. When diversity training on gay and transgender issues were offered in those sites, enormous change took place in the workplace environment. Once educated to the business-connection of diversity policies, and told what is expected of them, heterosexual colleagues can become heterosexual allies. But while progress has been made, it is spotty.

Chubb’s gay and transgender ERG, called GLEN, was featured in a recent edition of the Wall Street Journal because of the diversity training they were providing at every company site in the country. They offer us a model of what other ERGs need to take on as their next agenda. They have secured the support of their director of diversity in taking time out from their regular assignments and heading out two by two, gay and straight, male and female, to put a face on the issue for their colleagues throughout the country, thereby making each place more welcoming for the gay and transgender people who work there.

Ray and I are about to head to the Pacific Rim where I, at the invitation of Merrill Lynch, will do diversity training for the senior management of the firm’s offices in the region. The company’s gay and transgender ERG has been an active partner in securing this training. If you think it’s challenging for a gay man, lesbian woman, bisexual person or transsexual to work in rural Georgia, think about working in a country where homosexual behavior is punishable by law.

My focus will not only be to help create a workplace that feels safer and more welcoming, but also focus attention on what unique, valuable, and irreplaceable gifts gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender employees bring to the workplace in those cultures.