Gay and Transgender Issues in the Workplace

Next week and the week after I’ll be speaking to the senior managers of two government-related, heavily-military, top-secret agencies.  I’m experiencing a little anxiety about these presentations because I want them, as I do with all of my presentations, to be optimally-effective, and I’m not as culturally-competent as I’d like to be on the military. So, I’m working very hard to become more familiar and therefore more confident. I’m reading books such as The Puzzle Palace, talking at length on the phone with employees of the agencies, researching on the Internet to better understand not only them but also their competitors, and asking for as much help as I can get from anyone who knows more than me.
Knowing my audience is essential for my success. The perspective of a wealth management executive in Singapore on gay and transgender issues is going to be different from that of a retired Marine colonel. The retired Marine colonel needs to know that I understand his different perspective and different needs. While the Wall Street manager in Singapore may want my help in marketing to wealthy gay people in his or her district, the colonel may need guidance on how to effectively establish a safe workplace for gay employees in a “Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell” environment.
And yet, both the Wall Street wealth management executive and the retired Marine colonel are ultimatley seeking the same thing from me — help in better knowing their audience. “Who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people and how do I effectively work with them?” “What do they want from me?” “What words should I be using?” “What language and behavior is considered supportive, and what is considered hostile or unwelcoming?”
Diversity training is like a dance between the presenter and the members of the audience. They each need to become familiar with the other’s style in order not to inadvertently step on the other’s toes. Trust has to be established. Each of us is looking to see if the other has  made, or is making, any effort to make this a win/win for both sides, rather than a solo act where one scores points at the expense of the other.
As the presenter, I take the lead. Knowing my audience means I don’t ask them to do the limbo when they are incapable of bending that low to the ground. If I haven’t figured out in advance what music to play, what steps to take, what pace to set prior to reaching out my hand, the event will be a disaster. We’ll simply never find a rhythm together and we’ll each leave feeling frustrated and bruised, and mumbling that we’ll never take on that particular partner again.
If you’re successful as a diversity trainer, you can eventually feel the audience move with you in perfect sync. If you can coax them out of their chairs by securing their trust, you can gradually step together as a team through the most challenging moves, laughing and sighing in unison and losing all sense of time. When it’s over, you both want to keep dancing.
I’ve joyfully had that experience with partners across the globe. It underscores for me the basic goodness and connection of the human experience. But it doesn’t happen without a lot of hard word. Preparing to speak to a particular audience is the most challenging part of my job, but it’s also the most rewarding. What makes it fun for me is that my dance partner keeps changing.
That’s what I’m up to right now. I’m preparing to invite a retired Marine colonel and several other current and former members of the Armed Forces to dance with me. I’m still a little anxious, so I have some more practicing to do. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Yesterday I was in New Jersey as the guest of Merrill Lynch for a two-hour presentation on “Understanding and Managing Gay and Transgender Issues in the Workplace.” My hosts were the gay and transgender employee resource group and the Office of Diversity and Inclusion. It was a terrific session, I felt, with great dialogue, lots of good information, abundant laughter, and new insights. Because many people in the audience of sixty were openly gay, lesbian, or bisexual, it felt like a family event for me and for them. But as wonderful as the experience was for us all, I wish it had been mandated for senior managers. Even though it would have lost a bit of its sense of safety for the gay attendees, the people who most need to participate in training on issues of diversity are those who have the power to transform the atmosphere in the workplace. Merrill Lynch is a strong leader on this issue of diversity and in many of my presentations to their employees around the world, the program has been mandatory. Every worker is busy and taking two hours out of the day to attend a diversity training is challenging. It’s not difficult to think of a dozen reasons why it doesn’t make sense to expend the time and energy listening to a presentation on sexual orientation and gender identity and expression when there are so many other business-related issues at hand. That’s why the decision shouldn’t be left to the employee. If diversity training is seen as essential in creating a workplace that values diversity and is thus more welcoming and productive, then everyone should be hearing the same message, not just those who find it of interest. At least, that’s my experience.
What follows are the last of the questions and answers from the new Web site resource for managers on gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender workplace issues. Companies that would like access to the actual site to see how valuable it will be for their employees are encouraged to contact Dan Brown at db@dbinteractive.com to secure a password.

SO, WHAT IF…?

I want to transfer a gay or transgender employee to an office in country with hostile cultural attitudes on the issues?

 

Do NOT do so without consulting with the gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender employee to determine if he or she wants to consider taking the assignment.

 

Do NOT assume that because the culture is hostile that the gay or transgender employee would not want to go. However, be sure to find out what the laws in the area are regarding homosexuality and transgenderism.

 

Do NOT make assumptions about the culture. Many places around the world have reputations of being unwelcoming but the atmosphere has changed for the better. Check with the Human Resources professional and Diversity specialist in the region and with the gay and transgender Employee Resource Group (ERG) should there be one in the area.

 

Do NOT send the gay or transgender employee to the region without asking his or her permission to notify their future manager of the situation.

 

DO talk at length with the gay or transgender employee as to why you want to send him or her to the region, why you feel it would be good for the company, and why it would be good for them, if you believe it to be.

 

DO ask what reservations the gay or transgender employee might have about working in the office in the new region, such as whether there is a support community, attitudes of his new manager and the local HR representative toward gay and transgender issues, the timeframe of the assignment, and what he or she would do if they entered a relationship prior to the assignment or while on assignment.

 

the gay or transgender person I want to transfer has a spouse/partner?

 

Do NOT assume that it will be easy for either person to relocate, even if it is to a place in the world known for its welcoming attitude toward gay and transgender people.

 

Do NOT assume that the gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender couple is not interested.

 

DO check on immigration laws. Can the couple immigrate as a couple? Do both individuals need work permits? What work is now done by the spouse/partner of your gay or transgender employee and how will he or she continue to make a living in the new location?

 

DO plan on paying all relocation expenses for both members of the relationship, just as you would if the employee was in a heterosexual partnership.

 

DO prepare the office to which he or she is being sent for the arrival of a gay or transgender couple, should the employee consent to such notification. Seek support in advance from the Human Resources professional, Diversity specialist, and gay and transgender Employee Resource Group in the new area.

 

DO prepare to help your gay or transgender employee if he or she enters a relationship with a foreign national while on assignment and wants to return to your home office to work.

 

I have a parent or spouse of a gay or transgender person and they need help?

 

Do NOT take lightly their need for help. If they are troubled by the issue, it will impact his or her productivity and that of the team. Their difficulties are a business concern.

 

DO communicate with the employee that you take seriously their situation, that you support them completely in addressing their concern, and that you do so without judgment or personal bias.

 

DO contact the Human Resources office, the Diversity specialist, and the leadership of the company’s gay and transgender Employee Resource Group and ask for help. They can provide you with local resources and offer to meet with and support the employee who needs help. Local resources can include support groups, therapists, literature, social events, and mentoring options.

 

DO follow-up with the employee to ensure that he or she is getting the support that they need.

 

I want to recruit talented gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender employees?

 

Do NOT think your competition isn’t trying to do the same. They are showing up at college career days, setting up booths, and displaying literature that shows their support of gay and transgender issues. They are also attending meetings of and making presentations at professional conferences that attract gay and transgender employees, such as those held annually by Out and Equal in the U.S., and more regularly by local gay business organizations. Some firms are placing large display ads in national print media read by gay and transgender people, or on the Internet. Most firms that seek gay and transgender talent are underscoring their commitment to valuing diversity on their company web sites.

 

DO consult with your gay and transgender Employee Resource Group (ERG), your Human Resources professional, and your Diversity specialist and ask for help in achieving your goals.

 

I want to be an ally?

 

Do NOT assume you aren’t already an ally. By asking the question, you show that you are.

 

Do NOT pass up an opportunity to show to others at work that you are an ally by doing such things as refusing to laugh at anti-gay or anti-transgender humor, by speaking up if others are discussing the issues, by raising the issue yourself in staff meetings, by requesting diversity training on the issues in your department, by using inclusive language (“Do you have a partner?” instead of “Are you married?”), by sitting with gay and transgender people in the cafeteria and figuring out a way to make the gay and transgender people feel more welcome at company social events, and by not being afraid to be mistaken as gay or transgender by others because of your strong support.

 

DO contact the company’s existing gay and transgender Employee Resource Group and tell them that you’d like to be a member. If there is not a gay and transgender ERG in your location, contact the Human Resources office or your Diversity specialist and tell them of your interest in starting a local chapter.