Gay and Transgender Issues in the Workplace

Arriving in Singapore's extraordinarily modern new airport terminal on elegant and indulgent Singapore Airlines, being met at the gate by a smiling airport employee with a "Brian McNaught" sign and an electric cart, being whisked through customs and getting our bags within five minutes, being greeted at the curb by a hotel driver and cruising down a tree-fern-and-flower-lined boulevard manicured to perfection, and having our room in the Marina Mandarin Hotel overlook the harbor lulled us into a pampered stupor that blocked the reality that we were now in a City State that bans gay male sex. Though the law is generally not enforced (we had no trouble in the hotel securing a king size bed), and though the Prime Minister recently acknowledged that gay people are part of the Singaporean family and should not be marginalized, we remind ourselves that the legislature recently soundly defeated a bill to eliminate the related section 377A of the Penal Code and that we're no longer protected from discrimination by the laws that govern our recent hosts, New Zealand and Australia.

The reality though is that the culture is far more progressive than the law, young people overwhelmingly support changing the law and neither are women, people of color, or people with disabilities protected against discrimination in employment and housing. Singapore favors no race and no religion, its buildings are graffiti-free, its sidewalks are litter-free, and the shiny new skyline is ever-changing with the construction of beautiful new symbols of the city's enormous financial success, but anyone can be fired and social behavior is closely monitored and regulated. Good order is prized and group cooperation is valued more than individual success.

For controlling personalities such as Ray's and mine, the precise attention to detail in the pursuit of perfection in every aspect of life is not only seemingly reasonable but also aesthetically pleasing. It just would be a whole lot easier if we were heterosexual.

There is much to like about Singapore. It is young, rich, beautiful, energetic, orderly, safe, modern, and growing. Everything here is the best, the biggest, and the brightest. But it is also a place that discourages controversy for fear of destabilizing its Stepford tranquility.  Change takes time. But, that's why I'm here and that's what makes this trip to work with Merrill Lynch personnel on creating a safe and productive work environment for gay and transgender colleagues so historic and exciting.

Situated just north of the equator, Singapore is an island, the size of Chicago, at the southern tip of Malasia, and south of Thailand, Vietnam, and Cambodia. Three-fourths of the 4.5 million Singaporeans are Chinese. The rest are Malay and Indian. There are also over one million Western ex-patriots.     

The British naturalist Sir Stamford Raffles is credited with being the founder of Singapore on January 28, 1819. For the next 140 years, the "City of the Lion" was a vital port linking the Indian Ocean and the South China Sea. In a humiliating defeat for the army of Great Britain, the city was surrendered to the Japanese in February of 1942. After it was liberated at the end of World War II, it remained under Malaysian rule until it became an independent city state in 1965.

The father of Singapore is 84-year-old Lee Kuan Yew, the first Prime Minister and the strict, disciplinarian architect who brought civil order, great wealth, and global status to the multi-cultural, religiously-diverse, economically-spent population and land. Through editing film content and running "Courtesy Campaigns," public canings for writing graffiti and chewing gum, and beheadings for drug trafficking, a society of well-mannered, highly productive, cooperative people was carefully crafted.

Still the behind-the-scenes mentor and guide, Lee has passed the torch of governance to his son, Lee Hsien Loong, who serves as Prime Minister and rules with the support of 82 elected MPs. It was this body which recently pounded their seats in approval of the impassioned speech by their colleague, law professor Thio Li-Ann, who compared anal sex to sticking a straw up your nose, in her tirade against the repeal of 377A, much of which could have been lifted from a Focus on the Family briefing paper.  

Today, 90 per cent of the Singaporean people own their own, if sometimes very small and government-financed, homes. The per capita income is $29,940. The city has a large, prosperous middle-class and is considered one of the most business-friendly countries in the world. Yet, only three per cent of the country's income results from tourism, there is a brain drain as many young people depart for the freedom of other lands, and the country must carefully manage, under the metaphor of "family," underlying tensions between the Chinese, Malay, and Indian, and between foreign and eastern values. Women do not have full equality, there are major cultural differences among the population, and there are no openly gay people among the over 1,000 employees who work for Merrill Lynch.

Our friend Ed Teo left Singapore as a young man because he didn't feel he could be gay here. Ray turned down Lehman's request that he come to Singapore to head up their local office. Yet, both happened over a decade ago and change is in the air. A gay film is showing in town and will likely be less edited than in the past, Merrill's regional head of Global Wealth Management is the sponsor of the company's gay employee network, and 84-year-old Lee Kuan Yew has acknowledged that gay people don't choose their orientation. My being invited and allowed to speak is seen by the local gay community as a sign of the advances being made.

On our first night in Singapore, Ray and I plunged into the wave of thousands of locals who walk through the underground maze of shop-and-restaurant lined corridors that run for several blocks in all directions in the marina area of town. In doing so, we observed that pedestrian traffic patterns are unpredictable, personal space is nearly non-existent, and no one makes eye contact. We returned to our room with flowers, fruit, incense, and chocolate cookies.

On our first full day here, we changed sweat-drenched clothes after a couple hours of touring what little remains of the colonial buildings. Our first major stop was the extraordinarily beautiful Raffles Hotel, built by Armenian brothers in 1887. We then wandered into the Chinese Sunday service at St. Andrew's Anglican Cathedral and received communion.

Our hosts for the very memorable three-hour brunch at the Sentosa Hotel on Sentosa Island were my ever-chipper Merrill Lynch sponsor, Roman Matla, his delightful 30-year-old Scottish partner Heather, and his precocious 11-year-old son Alex. Site of the former British army base, Sentosa Island is a luxurious gated-community residential and resort area. The outdoor dining room that overlooked the cargo-ship filled harbor was nearly exclusively-dominated by wealthy white westerners and their children being waited on by Malays and Indians. This was in stark contrast to the underground malls we had earlier navigated that had few white faces.

Singapore mixes western and eastern culture easier than it does western and eastern families. Shop windows are filled with decorative reminders of the upcoming celebrations of both Chinese New Year and Valentines Day, each of which are big events here.

Tomorrow at 5 p.m., all of this complex cultural and religious mix, with its conflicting young and old perspectives that are colored by fear of and hope for change, comes together for me in my first presentation on gay and transgender issues in Singapore. I'll write as we head back to Florida on Friday and let you know what happens.

It was very important to me to thank my heterosexual host at Blanket Bay lodge in Queenstown, New Zealand, for the pioneering work that as the former President and COO of Levi Strauss he did in advancing the equality of gay people in the workplace. Tom Tusher, now retired and enjoying his active life with his wife Pauline, was very gracious in his response. "It wasn't just me. It was the whole company. We had a very diverse work force and we knew that it was the right thing to do. "

Also the genius behind "dress down Fridays," Tom was among the company's guides in creating "Best Practices" on gay workplace issues back in the mid-1980s when I began training corporate executives. The short list then of visionary companies included The Village Voice, Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream, Bellcore, AT&T, Disney, Lotus, Motorola, and Hewlett-Packard, among a handful of others.  

If it hadn't been for people like Tom Tusher, I wouldn't today be in Australia (and next week in Singapore) working with the senior managers of Merrill Lynch (giving the first such presentation on gay and transgender workplace issues in Singapore.) And if it hadn't been for the vision and perseverance of people like Merrill's local heterosexual Diversity manager, Roman Matla, and other local  Wall Street Human Resource and Diversity specialists, the topic might not have been raised in Singapore, Hong Kong, or Tokyo for another decade.

It's important that we say "thank you" to all of them, straight and gay alike, who took up the issue of creating a safe and productive work environment for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender employees before it was popular or comfortable to do so. We mustn't forget the courage and fortitude of yesterday's and today's leaders who have created the opportunity for the rest of us to make such historic progress in our efforts.

I have a long, long list of personal heroes, all of whom were in the trenches with me nearly 25 years ago, and with whom I have regrettably lost contact. The list also includes those visionaries of today who reason that just because a country outlaws homosexual behavior or because it is taboo in a particular culture are not valid reasons not to create a safe and productive environment for their gay colleagues and customers. To all of you, I say a heartfelt "Thank you. You will never fully appreciate how positively you have influenced people's lives and the global culture."     

Out and Equal, the national organization in the U. S. which focuses exclusively on gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender workplace issues, accepts nominations each year for recognition of service in this area. While I applaud the intention of the practice, I always lament the singling out of one "winner" over the others. Unlike the recipients of the Academy Awards, these business people aren't actors who when finished reciting their lines move on to star in other roles. They all deserve "first place" from Out and Equal for taking on the role of champion and for playing their parts in this real drama so well.

Saying "thank you" to each and everyone of them is the very least we should do.

Let’s acknowledge that there are some people who, no matter how safe and supportive the environment, will not share with others at work the details of their heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual lives. When their colleagues are discussing holiday plans, weekend activities or even birthdays and anniversaries, they keep personal information to themselves. They have no pictures of loved ones in their work areas, and they come to corporate social functions alone or don’t come at all. The company respects their right to privacy. Some cultures even encourage such behavior. These coworkers should be allowed to be left alone.

That being said, I think that hiding one’s sexual orientation from others at work, especially when you would prefer to do otherwise, generally has a very negative impact on the productivity and happiness of the individual and of the team. If you suspect that a colleague is gay, chances are good that everyone else does too. As long as the coworker in question remains silent, especially when given the opportunity to speak safely, the secret is associated with shame and is treated by others as such.

An employee who is out of the closet is generally more likely to be content with his or her working conditions, more productive because they are not expending energy and time hiding, and they are more likely to develop into team members and leaders who are personally and professionally respected.

So, should you try to help your colleague come out, especially if their secrecy is impacting their performance? Yes! But how do you do it? Do you just come right out and ask him or her in front of others, “Are you gay?” No! That would not be the best approach. Okay, but if not that strategy, then what?

Do you remember how the young boy Elliot coaxed E.T. out of the garden shed in the popular Steven Spielberg film E.T.? It was with a tempting trail of sweet Reese’s Pieces candy. Gay people, like E.T., need to know that there is an advantage to leaving the closet and that they are completely safe in doing so.

Everyday behaviors in the corporation that are counterparts to Reese’s Pieces include using the words “gay,” “lesbian,” “bisexual,” and “transgender,” respectfully, talking positively about gay issues during office discussions, sponsoring diversity training on gay issues, using inclusive language (“Do you have a partner?” vs. “Are you married?”), quickly and effectively challenging anti-gay comments and behaviors, and being seen in the company of openly gay colleagues, both socially and in the cafeteria.

But what if you have done all of that and E.T. still won’t leave the garden shed?

Be patient. It takes time to build trust. But, if you have truly depleted your supply of Reese’s Pieces, and you feel strongly that being in the closet is impacting not only the gay person’s performance but the cohesiveness of the entire team, I feel that it is not only appropriate but professionally necessary for you to gently knock on the door of the shed and respectfully ask permission to come in.

Motivated solely by the desire to help coach your colleague effectively so that he or she is able to produce at their highest level and bring all of their unique gifts to the table, you should begin by consulting with your Diversity specialists or Human Resources professionals. Let them know of your problem and of your plan. Ask their guidance on how best to approach the employee within the parameters of corporate policy. Next, arrange to meet with your closeted colleague in a setting that feels completely safe. Put yourself in his or her position. What will be most private and least conspicuous? It may be an office with the door closed or in a nearby restaurant or coffee shop.

It’s very important that you choose your own words to discuss the issue, but it will help a lot if your “music,” or your body language, constantly communicates safety and support. This means: Make eye contact, smile, don’t cross your arms; imagine yourself discussing something warm and wonderful with a beloved family member as opposed to something dreary and painful with a stranger. See yourself as an ally who is not prying but rather mentoring.

If I was in such a situation as a manager, I might begin by saying, “Thank you for meeting with me. I think you know how glad I am to have you as a member of our team at work. You are bright and talented and bring a great deal to the table.”

After allowing for them to acknowledge the affirmation, I might continue, “In my capacity as your manager, I see it as my job to maximize the effectiveness of each member of the team. As such, I’ve come to believe that there is something holding you back from emerging as the leader I see you having the potential to be. It feels to me as if you might be holding back in your interactions with the team and with me. I’m not displeased with the quality of your work but I am concerned about your ability to feel safe and valued in the office.”

The entire time I was speaking, I would watch the face and body language of my colleague to see if he or she was feeling confused or upset by my comments. I’d stop at any time it looked as if they wanted to talk or ask a question. I’d need to be prepared to give examples of how they are holding back in their interactions at work.

“I sense that you are a very private person and I have no desire to infringe upon your privacy, but I was wondering if you feel you are as happy at work as you want to be, and whether you feel as free to be yourself at work as you’d like?”

This may not work. I’ve checked this approach out with a dozen gay people I know in the corporate world and their universal response is that it would effectively create an opportunity for them to come out, if they felt able. But that’s their opinion and mine, and we’re speaking as openly gay people. Trust your instincts. Do what works for you. But do something. Remember, avoidance is not a good business strategy personally or professionally.

Despite your best efforts, the gay colleague may still be too terrified of coming out for reasons you’ll never know, such as their life partner is an untenured teacher at a local school where there are no legal protections, or their father also works in the company and has forbidden them from coming out. Nevertheless, you didn’t fail. Trust that you have had a very effective and meaningful discussion. If they still need to cling to the safety of the shed, and they say “No, there’s nothing wrong at work. I feel just fine,” then smile and say without a look of disappointment, “Okay, good, I’m just checking in with you as I do periodically with others. You know that I’m here for you should you need me.”

But, don’t be surprised if three weeks later, the colleague in question approaches you and asks, “Can we talk?”

(I welcome comments and questions. Please visit me at www.brian-mcnaught.com.)