Gay and Transgender Issues in the Workplace

       My last visit to Canada to work with Toronto Dominion Bank executives on gay and transgender issues has been a sad one for me. I love the people in the sessions, I love the work, and I’m very grateful for the good care the company takes of me. I’m going to miss them all a great deal, but will always cherish the memories of powerfully impacting their corporate culture.

                   Toronto Dominion (TD) Bank, under the very able guidance of CEO Ed Clark and his dedicated Executive Committee, stated clearly and unequivocally its commitment to valuing diversity. They then polled their employees about in what areas of diversity they required the most help. Sexual orientation emerged as a topic that needed considerable attention.

                  The education of TD on gay and transgender issues began with the Executive Committee who invited me to spend two hours with them. In that session, they built their competence and confidence in framing and responding to the issues through a presentation of mine and questions from them. The conflict that some people experience between their conservative religious beliefs and fully embracing diversity was a focus of our discussion.

                 Beth Grudzinski, the veteran banker and new Vice President of Diversity at TD, made the initial contact with me and then, with her staff, designed and implemented an excellent full-day training for middle managers, and a half-day program for their 800 senior managers. Both programs involved a thorough explanation of the business imperative for valuing diversity — attracting and retaining the best and brightest talent, and meeting the unique needs of their multi-cultural and diverse consumers. In that, their positions and policies are the same as all of their competitors. What impressed me about the Toronto Dominion approach to training was their understanding of the process people need to go through to be motivated to learn. The employees all were confronted with the power of arbitrary discrimination through the revered training film The Eye of the Storm in which third grade teacher Jane Elliott breaks her students into those who have blue eyes and those who have brown eyes, the least valued group being forced to wear blue collars throughout the day. The extraordinary experience of watching children both excel and decrease in performance in a matter of minutes based upon the feedback they got on the meaning of the color of their eyes was easily translated into an understanding of the cultural roadblocks to corporate productivity.

                 Next, both groups of TD employees were given workplace scenarios that require them to respond to challenging issues of diversity, such as the one in which the fundamentalist Christian boss doesn‘t want to attend a gay community event honoring his highly-valued lesbian colleague. The middle managers got five such scenarios to grapple with, and the senior managers got two. The middle managers then watched four segments of my DVD “Gay and Transgender Workplace Issues.” The senior managers, on the other hand, had me in person. We spent two and a half hours laughing and learning together in a give and take format that effectively put a face on the issue for them. The Eye of the Storm underscored for them the power of discrimination on performance, the scenarios raised their anxiety about not knowing how to handle some issues of diversity, and the presentation provided them guidance on how best to create a working environment in which everyone felt safe and valued. It’s a terrific model.

                 Normally, I wouldn’t agree to do twenty sessions with the same firm but my host Beth made it easy for me by allowing me to fly comfortably across the country and to be paid within a week of receiving my invoice. The facilitators, Fred and Sandra, who guided discussion during the first two of the four hours, were thoughtful, gracious, and generous colleagues. And the senior managers with whom I worked were eager to understand how to bridge the enormous chasm between corporate policy and corporate culture. I’m afraid they spoiled me. The work wasn’t easy but it was very rewarding personally and professionally. I headed home from Toronto feeling that I had participated in something that will have a long and profound effect on a company’s culture.

                We’ve come a long, long way since 1974 when my career as an educator on gay issues brought me to a home where the head of the Bible Study Group welcomed me at the door by saying, “The lady in the green blazer says she’s going to throw up when you walk into the room.” But that was a very important experience for me, because it taught me a great lesson. The lady in the green blazer was the last one to leave the house that night because she had so many questions that came easier and easier to her as the evening progressed. That experience reinforced for me the power of education to free people from their fears and to equip them with the tools they will need to navigate areas of life that once threatened them.

                  I don’t encounter many people in my audiences today who are as frightened of the sight of a gay man as the lady in the green blazer was described as being, but I continue to be fed by the experience of people and companies such as Toronto Dominion Bank who are as eager to learn and grow as the grateful woman in the Bible Study Group I met thirty-four years ago.

     After everyone else had left the room, the young banking executive pulled me aside and said with tears in his eyes, “I think my father is transsexual.” He stopped to regain his composure and added, “I don’t know what to do.”

     I had covered “gender identity” and “gender role” and “gender expression” extensively with the sixty assembled senior managers, explaining the meaning of and differences between the terms, the etiology of gender awareness, the process of “transitioning,” and the relevance of it all to the profitability of the company.

     “Thank you for sharing that with me,” I said. 

     “What do I do?” he asked. “I love him.”

     “I suggest that you call or e-mail him and say ‘Dad, I can’t tell you how much I love working at this bank. We had a really good diversity presentation today at work on gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender issues. I learned a lot that I didn’t know.’ Then, casually move on to another subject. You want to plant the seeds that you know and aren’t afraid of the words.”

     He continued to tear up. ”I just want him to be happy.”

     “Of course you do. But it’s hard to get your arms around, isn’t it,” I said. “The important thing is to communicate to him that you love him. If he doesn’t  respond immediately to the opening you provide him, bring it up the next time you talk by saying, ‘Dad, I feel as if there is something going on in your life that we’re not discussing and I just want you to know that I love you unconditionally in whatever path you take in your life.”

      During the workshop presentation, people from the trading floor, considered by many people to be the toughest place in a bank to work as a member of any minority, talked about the transition of one of their members from male to female.

       “What training did they give you prior to the colleague starting her transition,” I asked.

       “None,” they said. “The executives got some training but the people on the floor only got a directive on what not to do in response to the employee, like ‘Don’t stare’.”    

        “How is it now on the trading floor for her and for the rest of you?”

        “It’s good,” they said, “because she was comfortable with herself and she enabled us to be comfortable with her.”

         Exactly. Success on this issue for everyone requires education that first should come from the company’s diversity or human resources office, and most assuredly ends up coming from the person who is transitioning. 

        One of my favorite friends who is transsexual is Mary Ann Horton. She is a gentle soul who has bloomed beautifully and most happily as a woman. I knew Mary Ann from my work with her firm when her presentation of self at work was generally male. She and my friends Michael, Seth, Jackie, Christine, and Joanne have all gently guided me in my understanding and celebration of the process of transitioning as a transsexual person. As is true with the gay, lesbian, and bisexual issues, the messenger is the message. I found my comfort through their comfort with themselves and my joy for them in the joy they have found in their own lives.

      Michael and Seth are female to male transsexuals. Michael’s very moving story is in my book “Sex Camp.” These two delightful men are best friends with great senses of humor. Jackie was the first transsexual I met many, many years ago. She was over six feet tall and did not suffer fools gladly. Christine is a brilliant and stunning plastic surgeon who serves on former Surgeon General David Satcher’s advisory council with me. She was a doctor when she served as a male in the Air Force. Joanne is a very bright and articulate columnist for the Advocate. Her wife Barbara from both heterosexual and homosexual marriage died a couple of years ago. I met Joanne when she was still deep in grief.

     Each of these people undoubtedly had people in their lives like the transsexual man’s son who was in my corporate workshop. Such family members and friends worry for the transgender person’s safety and social acceptance. There is fear of the unknown, a wish that things were less complicated, and strong desire to protect their loved one. There is also a grieving of loss — loss of a father or mother, loss of a wife or husband, loss of a son or daughter.

     The journey of the transsexual from denial of their feelings to celebration of their identity is not unlike that for gay men and women, nor is the journey of their family members. I would think, though, that it is a much tougher journey to embrace one’s transsexuality than one’s homosexual orientation at this time in history, and in the U.S. or Canada for two reasons. The culture today is more knowledgeable and comfortable with gay men and women than it is with transsexuals or cross dressers because they have had more exposure and more education on sexual orientation than they have had on gender identity or expression. Secondly, there is a much larger gay and lesbian community in which to find mentors and friends than there is a transgender community. 

     It takes great courage for any of us to sing our song, but to maintain its strong, proud and determined quality in the absence of support can require heroism that many of us haven’t experienced.

     I don’t like or enjoy the company of every transsexual that I’ve met any more than I do the company of every gay, lesbian, and bisexual people I know. But I do respect the courage of women and men who are transgender. The father of the young banking executive who spoke with me, if indeed he is transsexual, is on a journey that will require all of his attention and strength, as is the woman on the trading floor who had to transition in a tough environment without the benefit of peer education. My fear for them is somewhat allayed by the tears of concern shed by their children and the “What’s the big deal” attitude of their peers.

      The world is changing slowly but positively in its understanding of and acceptance transexuality but from my limited experience it is indeed changing. The public is getting better educated, and therefore less fearful, through training, exposure to representation of positive transgender role models in the arts, and through their personal exposure to good people like Mary Ann, Michael, Seth, Jackie, Christine, and Joanne who make it so easy to cry from joy for them rather than from fear for them. 

     As I sat in the hospital lobby waiting to be called to go be with Ray before his shoulder surgery, President Bush was on the television on the wall, looking down on us and explaining why we’re in a financial meltdown and what he is going to do about it. The stock market immediately dropped an additional 107 points.

     “We’re in real trouble if he’s in charge” quipped a woman eating a Dunkin’ Donut pumpkin muffin.The common consensus on her observation was established with nods and grunts by everyone else waiting for a loved one in surgery.

     “If you die today, will I be screwed financially?” I asked Ray on the long drive to the hospital from Provincetown.

     “You weren’t before Lehman collapsed,” grumbled Ray who blames Treasury Secretary Paulson with the entire financial meltdown because of his decision to let Lehman fail.

     “That was then, this is now,” I said. “It sounds like you shouldn’t die today.”

     “I won’t,” he promised.

     Everything has changed. What was true yesterday is not true today. That’s why my response has changed when I hear from people who want to do the work that I’m doing. In times past, I would encourage the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender (hating the acronym GLBT as I do) people who wrote to me about becoming a diversity trainer to follow their bliss. Today, I urge them not to quit their day job. Until things settle down, we all need to sit tight.

     At this moment, I’m leaving all of my clients alone, except to bug them for input on a new three-to-five minute animated diversity film that I’m developing. I’m not even asking them about dates they have scheduled with me for next year. My guess is that they are holding their breath too, hoping that everything will get back to normal sooner rather than later.

     Under normal conditions, I would encourage men and women who want to provide corporate training on gay and transgender workplace issues to get in touch with Out and Equal, the Equality Forum, and the Human Rights Campaign. There are links for all of them on my web site. Out and Equal has a “train the trainer” program that would help build confidence in people who have never provided training before.

     Successfully breaking into the diversity training field, I would argue, is immensely helped by the doing what is instructed in the career development book, What Color Is Your Parachute? It is important to make a list of all of one’s contacts in the field of interest and to ask for their guidance and help. Most people my age, I assume, enjoy the role of mentoring others as much as I do. I certainly want everyone who writes to me to trust that I am there for them and will be happy to do whatever I can to help them succeed.

     In the past, I would also advise that providing training on gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender issues requires more than just being able to put a face on the issues, though that is the most powerful teaching tool we have at our disposal. It requires hard work to become culturally competent on sexual orientation, gender identity, gender expression, and other related topics, as well as to be aware of and able to communicate with each one of your target audiences. To that end, I have recommend that aspiring trainers read my book Gay Issues in the Workplace as well as those by other trainers such as my friend Liz Winfield.

     But that was then and this is now. My advice now is to continue to explore your options, continue to educate yourself, continue to stay in touch with me if you’d like, but, seriously, don’t quit doing what you’re doing now to ensure that you are sheltered, clothed, and fed. In the best of times, the field has changed dramatically since I started  making corporate presentations on gay issues in the mid 1980s. I was the only show in town then and though it was a brand new and very controversial workplace issue, there was never a lack of work. At one time, I had five very fine trainers working with me, filling in when I wasn’t available. But even then, I insisted that they all keep their day jobs.

     Since then, the field has been filled with dozens and dozens of others who are providing training across the globe on gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender issues. HRC and NGLTF decided to focus attention on the workplace (though to my ongoing horror, HRC still only gives a puny 5 points out of 100 on their Corporate Equality Index to companies that provide diversity training on gay and transgender issues. Five points!) Out and Equal, which is doing an extraordinary job of bringing together gay and straight, transgender and non-transgender people from around the world once a year for their highly-informative conference, is offering training through its Building Bridges program. The Equality Forum also sponsors workplace gatherings. But many companies have begun providing their own in-house diversity training and nearly all of the major training organizations that used to focus solely on race and gender are now offering programs on sexual orientation and gender identity and expression. It’s a very competitive field.

     So, there is good reason to be cautious, especially in the midst of this financial meltdown, about jumping head first into this field, especially if one is considering doing so right out of college. It is very rewarding work and we continue to need talented, dedicated people to carry on when some of the rest of us retire. But it’s not easy to make a living doing so, especially if you want to focus solely on gay and transgender issues.

     In addition, my personal bias is that the best trainers have a little experience under their belts that gives their presentations breadth and depth. Just as it was foolish for the Catholic Church to allow young men to enter training for the priesthood right out of grade school or high school, so too should those who seek to educate others about gay and transgender issues have some experience and wisdom from which to draw. (Just maybe if President Bush had more experience governing, there would be more trust in his ability to guide us out of this economic mess.)

     I’m glad to report that Ray’s operation was a complete success. He’s a little groggy from the pain-killing drugs, his arm is in a sling, and he has ice on his shoulder, but he’s getting back to normal. He’s now watching business reports on television and cursing Paulson for leaving Lehman out to dry. 

     In the midst of this global financial crisis, it would be very tempting for corporations to cut back on diversity initiatives, particularly training, but that would be the worst possible response to the problem of limited budgets. If they can’t afford to increase training at this time, they would be wise, at the very least, to maintain their current level of commitment. Diversity training is needed now more than ever.

     When it looks as if the pie is limited in size, people tend to get concerned about getting their share. Abraham Maslow’s Theory on the Hierarchy of Needs suggests that people who fear for their physical survival are unable to focus on their self-actualization or that of others.

     As employees leave homes in which the topic at the dinner or breakfast table was the great loss they suffered in their IRA or the desperate need to find a buyer for their home, they are inclined to have far less patience for the immigrant for whom English is a second language, the gay man or lesbian, the woman in the wheelchair, or the Muslim who are asking for attention to their need to feel safe and valued at work. 

     Young people are entering the workplace with high expectations of the working environment. The growth of Identity Politics has heightened their sense of camaraderie and purpose with those who are like-minded and has increased their intolerance of the feeling of second class citizenship. The Internet has made them aware of the “Best Practices” of their company’s competition locally and across the globe. And they are aware of the buying power of their community members. 

     Corporations that put the brakes on their efforts to attract and retain the best and brightest people, to value rather than tolerate diversity, and to emphasize inclusion, do so at their own peril. Though there is a high rate of unemployment, there is still a war for talent and that war has no cultural bounds. Proper compensation and health care benefits are essential to attract the most sought-after employees, but so is the quality of life they will have emotionally where they work. Experiencing intolerance from colleagues who are angry about the economy and afraid for their own survival will eliminate the possibility of optimum productivity because there will be an over-abundance of “I’s” in the word “Teamwork.” The cohesive pull of the well-disciplined ten member team in the company’s tug-of-war with their competition will fall apart when the valuing of diversity is replaced with begrudging tolerance. 

     If a company cuts diversity training because it is looking for ways to trim its budget, it should expect an increase in reports of a hostile or unwelcoming work environment. The gears of the machine of our multi-cultural workforce are oiled by the awareness each employee has of the need to behave in a professionally respectful way and to proactively create an environment that feels affirming for everyone. 

     Companies that have in the past made diversity initiatives a lower priority because of a strained budget have ended up penny rich and pound poor. Maslow is correct that our basic instincts are to focus on physical survival long before we do self-actualization, but they needn’t be mutually exclusive endeavors. In the corporate world, they are and will forever be linked. A company’s financial survival depends upon its employee’s self-actualization.