Gay and Transgender Issues in the Workplace

One of the most commonly asked questions I get in my work as a corporate trainer on gay and transgender issues is, "How do I help myself or others reconcile personal moral values with the company's support of gay issues?"

Here's how I respond:

There is an important difference between our beliefs and our behaviors.

You are free to believe whatever you want about homosexuality or any other issue, such as racial equality, the role of women, or the supremacy of a particular religious tenet, but you can’t impose those beliefs on your colleagues at work. Doing so violates corporate policy.

As an employee, you are paid to manifest the company’s values. The company values the diversity of its workforce and seeks to create an environment that is safe and productive for everyone. It has policies that support its gay and lesbian employees just as it does its heterosexual employees because it wants to attract and retain the best and brightest talent.

Some employees may feel that their religious beliefs are not being supported by the company’s policy that prohibits discrimination based upon sexual orientation. They may feel that providing domestic partner benefits is sanctioning same-sex relationships. They may feel that being asked to attend diversity classes on gay issues is forcing them to show support for something they find to be personally offensive or immoral. They may feel that the company providing money to gay employee organizations for educational or social events is showing unnecessary support for a “lifestyle” that has nothing to do with the company’s bottom line.

All of these feelings are understandable. Acting on those feelings at work is unacceptable.

Most employees have some feelings of disagreement, disappointment, or even disgust with some company policy or practice, as well as with some of their colleagues. Some employees, for instance, object to the donations made by the company to political parties. Some people feel that women should not give orders to men. Others object to sharing an office with a person of another race, culture, or faith. There are employees who oppose divorce and question providing health care benefits to remarried colleagues. Other employees are upset by the company’s disregard for their strict vegetarian beliefs and behaviors. And some employees find abhorrent conservative religious beliefs. That’s diversity, and the company manages its increasingly diverse workforce by minimizing behavioral conflict while maximizing the bottom line, which is profit.

So, feel the feelings, but choose the behavior. It’s okay to wish that a colleague wasn’t gay, just as it’s okay to wish that a colleague wasn’t Muslim, Jewish, or Christian. Other employees or executives could have negative feelings about you too. But the company insists that as long as you work for them, you will treat the gay employee, or the one who is Muslim, female, divorced, a meat eater or a conservative Christian or Jew with professional respect, courtesy, and as a full and equal member of the team. The company requires all of us to behave in such a way as to optimize the productivity of everyone on the team.

And, while we are free to believe whatever we choose to believe, we all need to be aware that our beliefs impact our “music,” or our day-to-day interactions with others. Our ability to effectively manage employees about whom we have negative feelings is fully dependent upon our cognizance of own beliefs, and our skill at overcoming our impulse to be disapproving, disinterested, or disengaged. While you may not approve of homosexuality, it’s essential that you do nothing at work to communicate those feelings in any way to anyone. Doing so undermines the company’s values and your value to the company.

I have heard horror stories of managers saying to others at work that homosexuality is a sin, publicly speculating with disdain whether an employee is gay, making decisions about promotions based upon a person’s sexual orientation or “lifestyle,” laughing at or repeating offensive gay jokes, and ridiculing the mannerisms or attire of someone suspected of being gay. All of these behaviors are a violation of the company’s code of conduct and should be immediately reported to the office of Human Resources.

But the more common negative everyday experiences of gay, lesbian, and bisexual employees involves the behavior of avoidance by their manager and colleagues, of being shut out of the social interactions of the company. Especially in companies that have policies and procedures that seek to attract and retain gay employees, the behaviors which make the employee feel less safe and valued are the ones that make them feel marginalized. Sometimes it’s the awareness that they are the only ones not asked on Monday morning how their weekend was spent. Sometimes it’s never being asked about the photograph of their partner in their work area. Generally, it’s the feeling that they are invisible.

Avoidance is not an effective business strategy. It is a negative behavior. Managers, even those with conflicting moral beliefs, need to positively engage, not sidestep those with whom they differ. Such efforts can make a big difference in ensuring the environment at work feels welcoming, and therefore more productive.

Practical Suggestions:

• Understand the difference between beliefs and behaviors.
• Be aware of your feelings and take an honest inventory of your behavior.
• Avoidance is a behavior.
• Always assume that there is a gay person, or a family member or friend of a gay person, in your presence.
• Treat everyone equally, personally and professionally.
• Use the words “gay,” “lesbian,” “bisexual,” and “transgender” respectfully.
• Do not laugh at or repeat anti-gay comments or jokes.
• Immediately correct inappropriate behaviors on the part of others.
• Sponsor diversity training on gay issues.
• Attend functions sponsored by the gay employee group.
• Use inclusive language at work, such as asking if people have partners rather than if they are married.
• Bring gay people into social conversations.
• Sit with a gay person in the cafeteria, or invite him or her to sit with you.
• Create an environment in which people can safely tell you that they are gay.