Gay and Transgender Issues in the Workplace

The National Security Agency, the U.S. government's 40,000-strong family of cryptologists who guard American safety by deciphering secret codes that threaten the U.S., and protecting with codes vital American secrets, has made a commitment to create a safe and welcoming work environment that holds its own against those corporations that seek to court the gay market.

Yesterday, I spent the day working with the civilian and military leaders of NSA and found myself feeling not only completely at home but affirmed in my message of creating an environment in which openly gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender employees can thrive.

Though I had done my homework and felt very prepared for my assignment, I was confronted with my own fears and biases about a military-based secret government agency. The men and women who lead and work at NSA are as committed to diversity as any executives I have encountered in my 34 years of work in this field. Openly gay and lesbian civilian workers are protected by a non-discrimination policy.

In response to the two presentations that I made, one to the open workforce and one to senior managers, I received two long standing ovations, something that is very unusual for them and for me with a workplace talk. If I was a younger man, I would consider a career with the NSA, though they have to keep their lives secret from family members and friends, and I've had enough secrets in my life.

* * *

In preparation for an interview with a reporter writing an article on corporations and their diversity initiatives on gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender issues, I was sent a list of nine questions to which I responded by Blackberry from the airport as I made my way to NSA. You may find the Q and A of interest.

 

Here are the questions:

 

1. Do experts think momentum may now increase for employers to do

more to provide same-sex couples the types of employee benefits available to

male-female married couples? How influential do experts think California

and to some extent New York might be in encouraging employers elsewhere to

adopt gay-friendly policies?

2. What are the options for employers seeking to make their workplaces

more gay friendly?

3. What’s the current status of employers’ efforts re GLBT employees?

4. How many companies now offer benefits to same sex couples?

5. What benefits are most important?

6. How many same-sex couples are covered by health insurance?

7. To what extent might the status of the economy and the availability

of workers affect employers’ willingness to do more than the minimum for

GLBT employees?

8. If employers do begin to become more gay-friendly, what could they

expect to gain from such action? Would it be good for retention and employee

relations to do more than the law may require for GLBT employees? Are there

other pluses that employers might be likely to derive from being more

accommodating to their gay employees?

9. How much of the attitude transformation in the workplace is the

employer’s responsibility? Where else in society does the responsibility lie

for better, more equitable treatment of GLBT employees?

Here are my responses:

 

1.) If you haven't already done so, I suggest the you use your Internet search engine (Google) to locate the Human Rights Campaign's Corporate Equality Index. By exploring the criteria HRC established for judging a workplace to be safe and welcoming for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people, you will get a good idea of what most people accept as benchmarks for "Best Practice." Key to that are: a non-discrimination policy that covers sexual orientation and gender identity, domestic partner benefits, support for a gay Employee Resource Group (ERG) and corporate-wide education on the issues. After reviewing the criteria, check and see how many companies have a 100 percent rating. Most Fortune 500 companies have a non-discrimination policy on sexual orientation and provide domestic partner benefits.

I have been an advisor to HRC on workplace issues for many years. I feel strongly that they don't emphasize education sufficiently. They give 5 points out of 100 to a company for providing diversity training, which is absurd when every diversity director in the world would agree that providing training on gay and transgender issues is the only reliable means of helping the corporate culture to catch up with the corporate goal of valuing diversity.

The ruling on gay marriage in California, as well as the discussions on gay marriage and civil unions that are taking place not only throughout the United States but also the world is helping to "normalize" the lives of gay and lesbian people. Ignorance (or lack of exposure) is the parent of fear and fear is the parent of hatred. Anyone who has been to a foreign country and not known the language understands that their possible discomfort with gay and transgender issues is because they "don't know the language." The California rulings and news of gay marriage in all of Canada, Spain, the Netherlands, etc. helps them gradually "learn the language," and become more comfortable with the issues.

Another effect of such rulings and subsequent press reporting is that gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender employees have much higher expectations of their employers. In the great search for talent, in which corporations globally are seeking to attract and retain the best and brightest employees, there is an understanding that young gay and straight people who attend a gay wedding or civil union on Saturday are not going to tolerate a hostile or unwelcoming environment for gay people on Monday. When asked "What did you do over the weekend, they want to be able to say "I went to a gay wedding" without worrying about what kind of a response they'll get.

2.) Companies need to ensure that their gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender employees feel welcome and valued for the unique contributions they can make. To communicate their goals of attracting and retaining the best and brightest gay and transgender employees they need to effectively advertise their commitment to valuing all diversity and get their house in order. To achieve the first goal, corporations need to promote their values in their documents/policies, advertise them on their Web site and in all targeted advertising, actively participate in college career days and gay business fairs, encourage the participation of their gay and transgender employees in public events, such as Pride marches, and financially support gay community events. In their own house, corporations need to effectively communicate their diversity policies, make clear what behaviors are unacceptable, evaluate managers by their proactive efforts to create a safe and productive workplace, and enable their gay and transgender ERG to partner with them in participating in their goals.

3.) Corporations across the spectrum and across the globe are working hard at establishing themselves as workplaces that value diversity. I've been working with senior executives throughout the world (US, Canada, UK, Australia, Hong Kong, Singapore, Tokyo) for over twenty years, helping them to be more effective in their efforts to create a welcoming work environment for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender employees.

4.) Check with HRC on DP benefits.

5.) Health care and relocation benefits are essential especially for a global corporation.

6.) Check with HRC and Lambda Legal Defense Fund in NYC regarding the number of couples covered. Remember that gay DP benefits count as taxable income and that to secure them you have to come out and prove that you are in a relationship.

7.) There is always a war for talent. The current challenging economic conditions have not impacted the number of requests I get for training. I'm trying with difficulty to cut back on my road trips.

8.) Besides attracting and retaining the best and brightest gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender employees, companies that work hard to create a positive public image are better positioned to attract the estimated billions of dollars of expendable income represented by the product-loyal gay community. It is no coincidence that the overwhelming majority of my clients are financial institutions.

They know that it makes good business sense to be seen as gay-friendly.

9.) While gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender employees are invaluable resources to a company that seeks to become more confident and competent in addressing gay and transgender issues, the Executive Committee should lead the way in these efforts. All levels of senior leadership should be involved, from production and research to marketing and the law department. Many companies today have their efforts initiated by the directors of diversity and human resources but to be successful sponsorship should be embraced by the CEO, COO, and CFO.

 

* * *

For the sake of my relationship with Ray and for my own need to recharge, I'm taking a summer vacation from writing my blogs and making corporate presentations. I plan to swim, boat, fish, and work in the garden. Enjoy your time too. See you in September.

     

     The young Saudi Arabian immigrant who drove me to the airport said his name is Osama.

     "Do you take grief for your name?" I asked as the hotel van headed to the Columbus airport.

     "Only from ignorant people," the 21-year-old chemical engineering graduate replied in Americanized English.

     His serene sense of self impressed me enormously. There was no hesitancy about his Muslim faith or his family's heritage during a time of orange alert.

     "After 9/11, my friends said I should go by the name 'Sam,' but I said 'Call me Osama'."

    "Your confidence and self-affirmation will take you far in life," I told him as he dropped me off in front of the Delta ticket counter.

     "Thanks," he replied with a broad, boyish grin.

     The night before, I was with the Executive Diversity Council of Battelle, a highly-respected research organization that specializes in homeland security, health science, and technology. In the room with the senior executives were a handful of gay and lesbian employees. At one point during my presentation I spotted one of the most confident-appearing lesbians crying.

     The opportunity provided itself later to talk about the amount of armor that is required to work in an environment in which you feel "tolerated" rather than affirmed.

     "You have a short fuse, don't you?" I asked her in front of the others.

     "I do," she acknowledged. "I get worn down by the need to daily tone down who I am."

     The former Marine colonel who had insisted that I be brought in to speak at the company said that he had no idea  how much people felt the need to hide who they were.

     We all talked about how important coming out was to the individual and to the firm, and how the only way to be personally and professionally successful was by being open about your sexual orientation.

     Heterosexuals take their lead from gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people on how comfortable to be with the topic. Several people came up to me afterwards and said that my self-confidence as a gay man enabled them to relax and listen comfortably.

     I explained that being 60 and having spent my entire adult life educating others about gay issues had a lot to do with my self-confidence.

     When I came out in 1974, I had the same self-assurance as Osama, my driver to the airport. I succeeded in large part because of my sense of basic goodness. People took their lead from me. If Brian felt good about being gay, then they could relax.

     What they didn't know is that my fuse eventually got very short too. Many times I wanted to sit and cry in my hotel room after a presentation because I was so tired and felt so worn down by the need to explain myself and by the experience of being tolerated rather than valued. I never cried in front of others and I never revealed my short fuse.

     The good news is that I broke through the pain, like an athlete who comes out the other side of the thoughts of quitting. I got to the point in my life when the self love, acceptance, and confidence was strong enough and consistent enough to not be impacted by the awareness that I was being accommodated rather than valued.

     I have always believed that "the messenger" is the message. My message for the past three decades has been that being gay is good, natural, and not an impediment to happiness. I feel that I have had success in communicating that the only true happiness available to gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people is outside of the closet. It's a rough, challenging journey out of all of the doors that are hinged on our opening to freedom, but the tears and frustrations are worth it.

     Now, though, the message of the messenger, it seems, is that there is true joy for all of us available when we no longer have to work at self-acceptance and affirmation -- that anyone can come to truly love their lives regardless of the accommodating attitudes of others.

     Osama has a long life journey ahead of him in which he will help others get past their fear of Saudis and Muslims and people with fear-laced names. I suspect though that he will have his share of tears of frustration and exhaustion. His fuse will get short. But if he continues to nurture his youthful self-confidence, he will eventually break through the pain and provide his contemporaries a model of true serenity.

Next week and the week after I'll be speaking to the senior managers of two government-related, heavily-military, top-secret agencies.  I'm experiencing a little anxiety about these presentations because I want them, as I do with all of my presentations, to be optimally-effective, and I'm not as culturally-competent as I'd like to be on the military. So, I'm working very hard to become more familiar and therefore more confident. I'm reading books such as The Puzzle Palace, talking at length on the phone with employees of the agencies, researching on the Internet to better understand not only them but also their competitors, and asking for as much help as I can get from anyone who knows more than me.
Knowing my audience is essential for my success. The perspective of a wealth management executive in Singapore on gay and transgender issues is going to be different from that of a retired Marine colonel. The retired Marine colonel needs to know that I understand his different perspective and different needs. While the Wall Street manager in Singapore may want my help in marketing to wealthy gay people in his or her district, the colonel may need guidance on how to effectively establish a safe workplace for gay employees in a "Don't Ask/Don't Tell" environment.
And yet, both the Wall Street wealth management executive and the retired Marine colonel are ultimatley seeking the same thing from me -- help in better knowing their audience. "Who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people and how do I effectively work with them?" "What do they want from me?" "What words should I be using?" "What language and behavior is considered supportive, and what is considered hostile or unwelcoming?"
Diversity training is like a dance between the presenter and the members of the audience. They each need to become familiar with the other's style in order not to inadvertently step on the other's toes. Trust has to be established. Each of us is looking to see if the other has  made, or is making, any effort to make this a win/win for both sides, rather than a solo act where one scores points at the expense of the other.
As the presenter, I take the lead. Knowing my audience means I don't ask them to do the limbo when they are incapable of bending that low to the ground. If I haven't figured out in advance what music to play, what steps to take, what pace to set prior to reaching out my hand, the event will be a disaster. We'll simply never find a rhythm together and we'll each leave feeling frustrated and bruised, and mumbling that we'll never take on that particular partner again.
If you're successful as a diversity trainer, you can eventually feel the audience move with you in perfect sync. If you can coax them out of their chairs by securing their trust, you can gradually step together as a team through the most challenging moves, laughing and sighing in unison and losing all sense of time. When it's over, you both want to keep dancing.
I've joyfully had that experience with partners across the globe. It underscores for me the basic goodness and connection of the human experience. But it doesn't happen without a lot of hard word. Preparing to speak to a particular audience is the most challenging part of my job, but it's also the most rewarding. What makes it fun for me is that my dance partner keeps changing.
That's what I'm up to right now. I'm preparing to invite a retired Marine colonel and several other current and former members of the Armed Forces to dance with me. I'm still a little anxious, so I have some more practicing to do. I'll let you know how it goes.

Yesterday I was in New Jersey as the guest of Merrill Lynch for a two-hour presentation on "Understanding and Managing Gay and Transgender Issues in the Workplace." My hosts were the gay and transgender employee resource group and the Office of Diversity and Inclusion. It was a terrific session, I felt, with great dialogue, lots of good information, abundant laughter, and new insights. Because many people in the audience of sixty were openly gay, lesbian, or bisexual, it felt like a family event for me and for them. But as wonderful as the experience was for us all, I wish it had been mandated for senior managers. Even though it would have lost a bit of its sense of safety for the gay attendees, the people who most need to participate in training on issues of diversity are those who have the power to transform the atmosphere in the workplace. Merrill Lynch is a strong leader on this issue of diversity and in many of my presentations to their employees around the world, the program has been mandatory. Every worker is busy and taking two hours out of the day to attend a diversity training is challenging. It's not difficult to think of a dozen reasons why it doesn't make sense to expend the time and energy listening to a presentation on sexual orientation and gender identity and expression when there are so many other business-related issues at hand. That's why the decision shouldn't be left to the employee. If diversity training is seen as essential in creating a workplace that values diversity and is thus more welcoming and productive, then everyone should be hearing the same message, not just those who find it of interest. At least, that's my experience.
What follows are the last of the questions and answers from the new Web site resource for managers on gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender workplace issues. Companies that would like access to the actual site to see how valuable it will be for their employees are encouraged to contact Dan Brown at db@dbinteractive.com to secure a password.

SO, WHAT IF...?

I want to transfer a gay or transgender employee to an office in country with hostile cultural attitudes on the issues?

 

Do NOT do so without consulting with the gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender employee to determine if he or she wants to consider taking the assignment.

 

Do NOT assume that because the culture is hostile that the gay or transgender employee would not want to go. However, be sure to find out what the laws in the area are regarding homosexuality and transgenderism.

 

Do NOT make assumptions about the culture. Many places around the world have reputations of being unwelcoming but the atmosphere has changed for the better. Check with the Human Resources professional and Diversity specialist in the region and with the gay and transgender Employee Resource Group (ERG) should there be one in the area.

 

Do NOT send the gay or transgender employee to the region without asking his or her permission to notify their future manager of the situation.

 

DO talk at length with the gay or transgender employee as to why you want to send him or her to the region, why you feel it would be good for the company, and why it would be good for them, if you believe it to be.

 

DO ask what reservations the gay or transgender employee might have about working in the office in the new region, such as whether there is a support community, attitudes of his new manager and the local HR representative toward gay and transgender issues, the timeframe of the assignment, and what he or she would do if they entered a relationship prior to the assignment or while on assignment.

 

the gay or transgender person I want to transfer has a spouse/partner?

 

Do NOT assume that it will be easy for either person to relocate, even if it is to a place in the world known for its welcoming attitude toward gay and transgender people.

 

Do NOT assume that the gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender couple is not interested.

 

DO check on immigration laws. Can the couple immigrate as a couple? Do both individuals need work permits? What work is now done by the spouse/partner of your gay or transgender employee and how will he or she continue to make a living in the new location?

 

DO plan on paying all relocation expenses for both members of the relationship, just as you would if the employee was in a heterosexual partnership.

 

DO prepare the office to which he or she is being sent for the arrival of a gay or transgender couple, should the employee consent to such notification. Seek support in advance from the Human Resources professional, Diversity specialist, and gay and transgender Employee Resource Group in the new area.

 

DO prepare to help your gay or transgender employee if he or she enters a relationship with a foreign national while on assignment and wants to return to your home office to work.

 

I have a parent or spouse of a gay or transgender person and they need help?

 

Do NOT take lightly their need for help. If they are troubled by the issue, it will impact his or her productivity and that of the team. Their difficulties are a business concern.

 

DO communicate with the employee that you take seriously their situation, that you support them completely in addressing their concern, and that you do so without judgment or personal bias.

 

DO contact the Human Resources office, the Diversity specialist, and the leadership of the company’s gay and transgender Employee Resource Group and ask for help. They can provide you with local resources and offer to meet with and support the employee who needs help. Local resources can include support groups, therapists, literature, social events, and mentoring options.

 

DO follow-up with the employee to ensure that he or she is getting the support that they need.

 

I want to recruit talented gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender employees?

 

Do NOT think your competition isn’t trying to do the same. They are showing up at college career days, setting up booths, and displaying literature that shows their support of gay and transgender issues. They are also attending meetings of and making presentations at professional conferences that attract gay and transgender employees, such as those held annually by Out and Equal in the U.S., and more regularly by local gay business organizations. Some firms are placing large display ads in national print media read by gay and transgender people, or on the Internet. Most firms that seek gay and transgender talent are underscoring their commitment to valuing diversity on their company web sites.

 

DO consult with your gay and transgender Employee Resource Group (ERG), your Human Resources professional, and your Diversity specialist and ask for help in achieving your goals.

 

I want to be an ally?

 

Do NOT assume you aren’t already an ally. By asking the question, you show that you are.

 

Do NOT pass up an opportunity to show to others at work that you are an ally by doing such things as refusing to laugh at anti-gay or anti-transgender humor, by speaking up if others are discussing the issues, by raising the issue yourself in staff meetings, by requesting diversity training on the issues in your department, by using inclusive language (“Do you have a partner?” instead of “Are you married?”), by sitting with gay and transgender people in the cafeteria and figuring out a way to make the gay and transgender people feel more welcome at company social events, and by not being afraid to be mistaken as gay or transgender by others because of your strong support.

 

DO contact the company’s existing gay and transgender Employee Resource Group and tell them that you’d like to be a member. If there is not a gay and transgender ERG in your location, contact the Human Resources office or your Diversity specialist and tell them of your interest in starting a local chapter.