Gay and Transgender Issues in the Workplace

Next week and the week after I'll be speaking to the senior managers of two government-related, heavily-military, top-secret agencies.  I'm experiencing a little anxiety about these presentations because I want them, as I do with all of my presentations, to be optimally-effective, and I'm not as culturally-competent as I'd like to be on the military. So, I'm working very hard to become more familiar and therefore more confident. I'm reading books such as The Puzzle Palace, talking at length on the phone with employees of the agencies, researching on the Internet to better understand not only them but also their competitors, and asking for as much help as I can get from anyone who knows more than me.
Knowing my audience is essential for my success. The perspective of a wealth management executive in Singapore on gay and transgender issues is going to be different from that of a retired Marine colonel. The retired Marine colonel needs to know that I understand his different perspective and different needs. While the Wall Street manager in Singapore may want my help in marketing to wealthy gay people in his or her district, the colonel may need guidance on how to effectively establish a safe workplace for gay employees in a "Don't Ask/Don't Tell" environment.
And yet, both the Wall Street wealth management executive and the retired Marine colonel are ultimatley seeking the same thing from me -- help in better knowing their audience. "Who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people and how do I effectively work with them?" "What do they want from me?" "What words should I be using?" "What language and behavior is considered supportive, and what is considered hostile or unwelcoming?"
Diversity training is like a dance between the presenter and the members of the audience. They each need to become familiar with the other's style in order not to inadvertently step on the other's toes. Trust has to be established. Each of us is looking to see if the other has  made, or is making, any effort to make this a win/win for both sides, rather than a solo act where one scores points at the expense of the other.
As the presenter, I take the lead. Knowing my audience means I don't ask them to do the limbo when they are incapable of bending that low to the ground. If I haven't figured out in advance what music to play, what steps to take, what pace to set prior to reaching out my hand, the event will be a disaster. We'll simply never find a rhythm together and we'll each leave feeling frustrated and bruised, and mumbling that we'll never take on that particular partner again.
If you're successful as a diversity trainer, you can eventually feel the audience move with you in perfect sync. If you can coax them out of their chairs by securing their trust, you can gradually step together as a team through the most challenging moves, laughing and sighing in unison and losing all sense of time. When it's over, you both want to keep dancing.
I've joyfully had that experience with partners across the globe. It underscores for me the basic goodness and connection of the human experience. But it doesn't happen without a lot of hard word. Preparing to speak to a particular audience is the most challenging part of my job, but it's also the most rewarding. What makes it fun for me is that my dance partner keeps changing.
That's what I'm up to right now. I'm preparing to invite a retired Marine colonel and several other current and former members of the Armed Forces to dance with me. I'm still a little anxious, so I have some more practicing to do. I'll let you know how it goes.

Yesterday I was in New Jersey as the guest of Merrill Lynch for a two-hour presentation on "Understanding and Managing Gay and Transgender Issues in the Workplace." My hosts were the gay and transgender employee resource group and the Office of Diversity and Inclusion. It was a terrific session, I felt, with great dialogue, lots of good information, abundant laughter, and new insights. Because many people in the audience of sixty were openly gay, lesbian, or bisexual, it felt like a family event for me and for them. But as wonderful as the experience was for us all, I wish it had been mandated for senior managers. Even though it would have lost a bit of its sense of safety for the gay attendees, the people who most need to participate in training on issues of diversity are those who have the power to transform the atmosphere in the workplace. Merrill Lynch is a strong leader on this issue of diversity and in many of my presentations to their employees around the world, the program has been mandatory. Every worker is busy and taking two hours out of the day to attend a diversity training is challenging. It's not difficult to think of a dozen reasons why it doesn't make sense to expend the time and energy listening to a presentation on sexual orientation and gender identity and expression when there are so many other business-related issues at hand. That's why the decision shouldn't be left to the employee. If diversity training is seen as essential in creating a workplace that values diversity and is thus more welcoming and productive, then everyone should be hearing the same message, not just those who find it of interest. At least, that's my experience.
What follows are the last of the questions and answers from the new Web site resource for managers on gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender workplace issues. Companies that would like access to the actual site to see how valuable it will be for their employees are encouraged to contact Dan Brown at db@dbinteractive.com to secure a password.

SO, WHAT IF...?

I want to transfer a gay or transgender employee to an office in country with hostile cultural attitudes on the issues?

 

Do NOT do so without consulting with the gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender employee to determine if he or she wants to consider taking the assignment.

 

Do NOT assume that because the culture is hostile that the gay or transgender employee would not want to go. However, be sure to find out what the laws in the area are regarding homosexuality and transgenderism.

 

Do NOT make assumptions about the culture. Many places around the world have reputations of being unwelcoming but the atmosphere has changed for the better. Check with the Human Resources professional and Diversity specialist in the region and with the gay and transgender Employee Resource Group (ERG) should there be one in the area.

 

Do NOT send the gay or transgender employee to the region without asking his or her permission to notify their future manager of the situation.

 

DO talk at length with the gay or transgender employee as to why you want to send him or her to the region, why you feel it would be good for the company, and why it would be good for them, if you believe it to be.

 

DO ask what reservations the gay or transgender employee might have about working in the office in the new region, such as whether there is a support community, attitudes of his new manager and the local HR representative toward gay and transgender issues, the timeframe of the assignment, and what he or she would do if they entered a relationship prior to the assignment or while on assignment.

 

the gay or transgender person I want to transfer has a spouse/partner?

 

Do NOT assume that it will be easy for either person to relocate, even if it is to a place in the world known for its welcoming attitude toward gay and transgender people.

 

Do NOT assume that the gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender couple is not interested.

 

DO check on immigration laws. Can the couple immigrate as a couple? Do both individuals need work permits? What work is now done by the spouse/partner of your gay or transgender employee and how will he or she continue to make a living in the new location?

 

DO plan on paying all relocation expenses for both members of the relationship, just as you would if the employee was in a heterosexual partnership.

 

DO prepare the office to which he or she is being sent for the arrival of a gay or transgender couple, should the employee consent to such notification. Seek support in advance from the Human Resources professional, Diversity specialist, and gay and transgender Employee Resource Group in the new area.

 

DO prepare to help your gay or transgender employee if he or she enters a relationship with a foreign national while on assignment and wants to return to your home office to work.

 

I have a parent or spouse of a gay or transgender person and they need help?

 

Do NOT take lightly their need for help. If they are troubled by the issue, it will impact his or her productivity and that of the team. Their difficulties are a business concern.

 

DO communicate with the employee that you take seriously their situation, that you support them completely in addressing their concern, and that you do so without judgment or personal bias.

 

DO contact the Human Resources office, the Diversity specialist, and the leadership of the company’s gay and transgender Employee Resource Group and ask for help. They can provide you with local resources and offer to meet with and support the employee who needs help. Local resources can include support groups, therapists, literature, social events, and mentoring options.

 

DO follow-up with the employee to ensure that he or she is getting the support that they need.

 

I want to recruit talented gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender employees?

 

Do NOT think your competition isn’t trying to do the same. They are showing up at college career days, setting up booths, and displaying literature that shows their support of gay and transgender issues. They are also attending meetings of and making presentations at professional conferences that attract gay and transgender employees, such as those held annually by Out and Equal in the U.S., and more regularly by local gay business organizations. Some firms are placing large display ads in national print media read by gay and transgender people, or on the Internet. Most firms that seek gay and transgender talent are underscoring their commitment to valuing diversity on their company web sites.

 

DO consult with your gay and transgender Employee Resource Group (ERG), your Human Resources professional, and your Diversity specialist and ask for help in achieving your goals.

 

I want to be an ally?

 

Do NOT assume you aren’t already an ally. By asking the question, you show that you are.

 

Do NOT pass up an opportunity to show to others at work that you are an ally by doing such things as refusing to laugh at anti-gay or anti-transgender humor, by speaking up if others are discussing the issues, by raising the issue yourself in staff meetings, by requesting diversity training on the issues in your department, by using inclusive language (“Do you have a partner?” instead of “Are you married?”), by sitting with gay and transgender people in the cafeteria and figuring out a way to make the gay and transgender people feel more welcome at company social events, and by not being afraid to be mistaken as gay or transgender by others because of your strong support.

 

DO contact the company’s existing gay and transgender Employee Resource Group and tell them that you’d like to be a member. If there is not a gay and transgender ERG in your location, contact the Human Resources office or your Diversity specialist and tell them of your interest in starting a local chapter.

One of the most commonly asked questions I get in my work as a corporate trainer on gay and transgender issues is, "How do I help myself or others reconcile personal moral values with the company's support of gay issues?"

Here's how I respond:

There is an important difference between our beliefs and our behaviors.

You are free to believe whatever you want about homosexuality or any other issue, such as racial equality, the role of women, or the supremacy of a particular religious tenet, but you can’t impose those beliefs on your colleagues at work. Doing so violates corporate policy.

As an employee, you are paid to manifest the company’s values. The company values the diversity of its workforce and seeks to create an environment that is safe and productive for everyone. It has policies that support its gay and lesbian employees just as it does its heterosexual employees because it wants to attract and retain the best and brightest talent.

Some employees may feel that their religious beliefs are not being supported by the company’s policy that prohibits discrimination based upon sexual orientation. They may feel that providing domestic partner benefits is sanctioning same-sex relationships. They may feel that being asked to attend diversity classes on gay issues is forcing them to show support for something they find to be personally offensive or immoral. They may feel that the company providing money to gay employee organizations for educational or social events is showing unnecessary support for a “lifestyle” that has nothing to do with the company’s bottom line.

All of these feelings are understandable. Acting on those feelings at work is unacceptable.

Most employees have some feelings of disagreement, disappointment, or even disgust with some company policy or practice, as well as with some of their colleagues. Some employees, for instance, object to the donations made by the company to political parties. Some people feel that women should not give orders to men. Others object to sharing an office with a person of another race, culture, or faith. There are employees who oppose divorce and question providing health care benefits to remarried colleagues. Other employees are upset by the company’s disregard for their strict vegetarian beliefs and behaviors. And some employees find abhorrent conservative religious beliefs. That’s diversity, and the company manages its increasingly diverse workforce by minimizing behavioral conflict while maximizing the bottom line, which is profit.

So, feel the feelings, but choose the behavior. It’s okay to wish that a colleague wasn’t gay, just as it’s okay to wish that a colleague wasn’t Muslim, Jewish, or Christian. Other employees or executives could have negative feelings about you too. But the company insists that as long as you work for them, you will treat the gay employee, or the one who is Muslim, female, divorced, a meat eater or a conservative Christian or Jew with professional respect, courtesy, and as a full and equal member of the team. The company requires all of us to behave in such a way as to optimize the productivity of everyone on the team.

And, while we are free to believe whatever we choose to believe, we all need to be aware that our beliefs impact our “music,” or our day-to-day interactions with others. Our ability to effectively manage employees about whom we have negative feelings is fully dependent upon our cognizance of own beliefs, and our skill at overcoming our impulse to be disapproving, disinterested, or disengaged. While you may not approve of homosexuality, it’s essential that you do nothing at work to communicate those feelings in any way to anyone. Doing so undermines the company’s values and your value to the company.

I have heard horror stories of managers saying to others at work that homosexuality is a sin, publicly speculating with disdain whether an employee is gay, making decisions about promotions based upon a person’s sexual orientation or “lifestyle,” laughing at or repeating offensive gay jokes, and ridiculing the mannerisms or attire of someone suspected of being gay. All of these behaviors are a violation of the company’s code of conduct and should be immediately reported to the office of Human Resources.

But the more common negative everyday experiences of gay, lesbian, and bisexual employees involves the behavior of avoidance by their manager and colleagues, of being shut out of the social interactions of the company. Especially in companies that have policies and procedures that seek to attract and retain gay employees, the behaviors which make the employee feel less safe and valued are the ones that make them feel marginalized. Sometimes it’s the awareness that they are the only ones not asked on Monday morning how their weekend was spent. Sometimes it’s never being asked about the photograph of their partner in their work area. Generally, it’s the feeling that they are invisible.

Avoidance is not an effective business strategy. It is a negative behavior. Managers, even those with conflicting moral beliefs, need to positively engage, not sidestep those with whom they differ. Such efforts can make a big difference in ensuring the environment at work feels welcoming, and therefore more productive.

Practical Suggestions:

• Understand the difference between beliefs and behaviors.
• Be aware of your feelings and take an honest inventory of your behavior.
• Avoidance is a behavior.
• Always assume that there is a gay person, or a family member or friend of a gay person, in your presence.
• Treat everyone equally, personally and professionally.
• Use the words “gay,” “lesbian,” “bisexual,” and “transgender” respectfully.
• Do not laugh at or repeat anti-gay comments or jokes.
• Immediately correct inappropriate behaviors on the part of others.
• Sponsor diversity training on gay issues.
• Attend functions sponsored by the gay employee group.
• Use inclusive language at work, such as asking if people have partners rather than if they are married.
• Bring gay people into social conversations.
• Sit with a gay person in the cafeteria, or invite him or her to sit with you.
• Create an environment in which people can safely tell you that they are gay.

If you have comments about these thoughts or further questions on gay and transgender issues in the workplace, I look forward to hearing from you at brian@brian-mcnaught.com or visit my web site at www.brian-mcnaught.com.

      In our attempt to create a safe and productive work environment for ourselves, gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people have asked their employers to bar discrimination, provide domestic partner benefits, establish an employee resource group (ERG), and mandate diversity training. The latter is the only reliable means of bridging the chasm between corporate policy and corporate culture.

     Heterosexuals, for the most part, feel unprepared to be proactively supportive of their company's efforts to value diversity. The best they feel they can do is to refrain from engaging in behaviors that would be considered hostile. They don't know how, nor feel comfortable, engaging their gay or transgender colleagues in a positive way. Their strategy is avoidance. They don't ask their gay colleagues about their weekend plans, nor question who is in the photograph on the desk. Thus, gay people generally feel marginalized at work, even in companies with a 100% rating on the Corporate Equality Index from the Human Rights Campaign in the U.S., and from Stonewall in the U.K.

     Diversity training on gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender workplace issues, which is mandated and not optional, is the only reliable means of empowering heterosexual colleagues to be allies, even those with conflicting moral values. Such training puts a face on the issue and provides understanding of who gay and transgender employees are, why they feel the need to come out at work, how their doing so is related to the bottom line of competition, and what language and behaviors are considered inappropriate and what are considered welcoming. The goal of such training is creating cultural competency.

     But cultural competency is a two-way street. It's hostile and counterproductive to expect that heterosexuals become sensitive to the needs of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender employees without having the same expectations of gay and transgender people toward their heterosexual peers. Too often, bitterness is created along with compliance to company policies because no effort has been made on the part of the gay and transgender ERG or the diversity office to become aware of the challenges which face heterosexual employees in becoming allies.

     The recent discussions around inclusion of transgender protections in the Employment Non-Discrimination ACT (ENDA) is a prime example of cultural incompentency on the part of the gay and transgender community. While the general population has had many years to become knowledgeable about homosexuality, the same is not true of gender identity, and certainly not of gender expression. Most heterosexuals, including those who work in corporate human resource offices, don't have a clue what the "T" of GLBT really means. The letter "T" was added to the acronym by the gay community out of good will but without much good thought. Little if any education has been provided about the full spectrum represented by the "T," and, as a result, even most gay people feel uncomfortable explaining its meaning.

     I've been privileged to work as an educator on gay issues in corporations and colleges for 34 years, and on transgender issues for the past 20. My work is now with senior executives across the globe. I know from that experience that good education changes perspectives and behaviors. The overwhelming majority of heterosexuals want to do the right thing at work. They want to be team players and support the company's initiatives to truly value diversity so that they might succeed in attracting and retaining the best and brightest employees and compete effectively in the global marketplace. But until they get the chance to get past their fear of the unknown, they feel as lost as any of us do when we're in a foreign country and don't know the language.

     Today, many of those heterosexual executives in companies around the world, are receiving the education they need to proactively support their gay and lesbian colleagues. But their understanding of transgender issues is at least ten years behind. Before they can be expected to do more than begrudgingly fumble through conversations on the topic, they need far more education. Not to understand and accommodate that is a sign of our cultural incompetence.