The Burning Bathroom Question
What follows are three questions and the responses I provided, with the help of a terrific team of consultants, four of whom are transgender, from a new corporate resource being released that is entitle The Manager's Guide on Gay and Transgender Workplace Issues. Your feedback is welcomed.
SO, WHAT IF.......?
I don’t have any gay or transgender people in my group or client base?
Do NOT make such assumptions. Even if you’re correct, which is unlikely, always assume that you do have gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people present so that your language and behavior creates a welcoming environment.
Do NOT expect that a fully-integrated transsexual will feel it necessary or useful to discuss his or her status as a transsexual. If they are seen by others as the gender with which they identify, they are generally ready to move on with their lives. They are likely not to see themselves as “transsexual,” but rather as a woman or as a man, as the case may be.
Do NOT assume that you can identify gay people. Most gay, lesbian, and bisexual people do not satisfy cultural stereotypes, and sometimes heterosexual people satisfy those gay stereotypes.
Do NOT assume that everyone who is gay, lesbian, or bisexual wants to come out. Some gay people, like some heterosexual people, are very private about their personal lives not out of fear bur rather out of personal preference.
Do NOT assume that no one in the office has a personal connection to someone who is gay or transgender, or that they would tell you about it if they didn’t think you were fully supportive.
Do NOT assume that none of your clients are gay or transgender, or have personal connections to people who are one or the other.
DO proceed as if you do have someone in your office or your client base who is gay or transgender, or who has a personal connection to a gay or transgender person, and remind your colleagues what behaviors are considered welcoming and which are considered unwelcoming.
the gay or transgender person’s job performance is the problem?
Do NOT be intimidated by the person’s minority status. If their job performance is unsatisfactory, respond as you would with anyone else. If you don’t, you’ll create resentment among the rest of the staff who will feel victimized by you and the gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender person. That is not good for morale or productivity. The goal in all of the company’s diversity initiatives is equal treatment, not special treatment.
Do NOT forget that you are the person’s coach. As you would with anyone else, set aside the issues of sexual orientation, gender, race, age, religion, disability, or any other factor, treat them as adults who are expected to act responsibly, and work with them to solve the problem.
DO speak first to your Diversity and Human Resources professional to let them know what’s going on, and ask for their input on how to handle the situation.
DO speak to the individual in private, clearly state what you see as the problem, ask him or her for their perspective, tell them what you expect of them, and set up a time to meet again to evaluate their progress.
DO ask if they find the office environment to be welcoming and if they trust that you value the diversity they bring to the table.
the transgender persons wants to use the “wrong” restroom?
Do NOT do a thing until you’ve checked with your Diversity or Human Resources specialist to ascertain the company’s policy. If the company doesn’t have a restroom policy, insist that the Human Resources specialist contact a company known for its “best practices” on issues of diversity to find a restroom policy that works well for everyone. (The “best practice” in many global companies is to have the transgender person use the restroom that matches his or her current gender expression.)
Do NOT assume that you, the transgender person, and the company agree on the appropriateness of the word “wrong.”
Do NOT assume that this issue is a small, insignificant matter. The use of the sex-appropriate restroom has enormous emotional and political meaning to the transgender person, most particularly those who are transitioning as transsexuals.
Do NOT assume that this issue has no significance to others. Some women feel unsafe if there is a biological male in their restroom. This is more likely to be a concern if we’re talking about a transgender person who cross-dresses at work on occasion. It’s a different matter, for some, if the person is transsexual.
Do NOT ask a person if he or she has had surgery. That is a personal matter. The transgender person may or may not choose to share that information. But it is not helpful to make decisions about appropriate restroom use based upon those criteria, as many transsexuals opt not to have surgery for a variety of reasons, the high cost of the operations being one of them.
Do NOT ask a transgender person to use a restroom that is not conveniently located.
DO find a solution to the restroom issue that is safe, dignified, and convenient.
DO communicate to the transgender person and to your non-transgender colleagues that you understand this issue can be emotionally-charged.
DO communicate with the employee that is uncomfortable in the same restroom as a transgender person that they are being heard. Consider saying, “I understand your feelings and I want to make sure that you are comfortable using our restrooms. Like most of our competitors, our policy is that the transgender person will use the restroom that is appropriate to the gender he or she is presenting. I hope that we can work together as a team on this so that everyone in our group feels valued. Can I ask you, as a first step, to either use another restroom that is conveniently located or to try to use the restroom when your colleague who is transgender is not using it? If you continue to feel uncomfortable, we can revisit it. In the meantime, I think it would be helpful for all of us if we had some diversity training on this issue. I know that I would find it helpful.”
DO ask for help from your Diversity or Human Resources professional to explain company policy on restroom use to your staff.
DO provide diversity training on transgender issues to your staff before this issue comes up.
DO periodically check in with the transgender employee and with one or two staff members to see how the situation is going.
DO make sure that this issue doesn’t negatively impact the productivity of the office or undermine the company’s commitment to value diversity.
